Can You Be Disappointed and Happy?

dealing with disappointment

Think about the last time you had a major blow.

  • You were rejected by the university of your dreams.
  • You applied for an important training and weren’t chosen.
  • You finally asked out the person you’ve been dying to date, and he turned you down. Or your spouse says he wants a divorce.
  • You spent hours polishing a perfect presentation, but didn’t get the million-dollar contract you thought was in the bag.

Not getting what we want every time is part of life—it’s only natural to feel disappointed.

But it’s how you deal with that disappointment that determines whether you’ll end up in what I call the Worthiness Cycle, where your great ideas come to fruition, or the Unworthiness Cycle, where those dreams die on the vine.

Here’s how it works.

Take that million-dollar contract. Winning it would mean your business hits a new profit level and you can give bigger bonuses to your hard-working staff this year. You visualized it, you saw yourself handing out the checks, you were excited about how much better you were going to make life for your client and your staff, and you felt like you were impacting the world in a positive manner.

And then the contract went to another company. A punch to the gut.

The Unworthiness Cycle looks like this:

  • You feel unhappy because your happiness was tied to getting the contract.
  • Your Inner Critic starts telling you lies: These dreams never come true for you–they only happen for other people. Your company is nothing compared to those other ones. Why did you put yourself out there knowing that things never work out for you?
  • You listen to the lies and stop believing in yourself, your dreams, your ambitions.
  • You shrink—and make a decision to stick to smaller contracts because those are the only ones you can win.
  • You compare yourself to others and never measure up.
  • You let the disappointment seep into your soul and eventually defeat you.

Here’s what happens in the Worthiness Cycle:

  • You feel disappointed, but you know your happiness comes from inside and not from a contract.
  • Your Inner Wise Woman reminds you that something better is around the corner and your dream is still in motion.
  • You look at everything you learned and see that it prepared you for the next opportunity.
  • You know that your company would have delivered great services—and so will the company that was awarded the contract. You are happy for them and their success.

Disappointments are guaranteed. You can choose to let them knock you off kilter or propel you forward.

There are enough contracts (and relationships and colleges and money and trainings) for everyone! Who knows, on Monday that same company might call and offer you a three-million dollar contract! Something better than you ever imagined might happen.

So, keep dreaming! Keep taking steps toward your dream! Let go of the picture you had in your mind about how it should appear and be open to a bigger dream coming true. Choose to do disappointment differently than you have in the past.

I offer more tools to help you stay in the Worthiness Cycle in my new book, You Are WORTHY! Even When You Believe Otherwise: A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist. Click here to get your own copy!

 

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