You were put on this earth to thrive not just survive. You were not put on this earth to live a life of quiet desperation. You were born with an unlimited supply of worthiness—and meant to be happy, enjoy wild success, and experience an abundance of love in your life. Then why don’t you feel worthy of any of that?
If you were born with an unlimited supply of worthiness, how did you learn unworthiness? Well-meaning people involved in your upbringing installed messages into you. These messages either fed your worthiness or they taught you unworthiness.
Here’s how this works: Let’s say you are really good at math. The concepts are easy for you to learn and you ace every test. At home, your parents praise you for your awesome grades. It feels good. Then along comes a complex math theory that throws you for a loop. Math just got hard. You get a B on the next test and your parents berate you for not getting an A. They think this will make you study harder for the next test so you can once again get an A and their praise. You get the message that unless you get an A, you are less than. These messages make you feel unworthy. It starts a cycle of perfectionism in which you perpetually strive to be the best hoping you’ll continue to receive praise.
You have a worthiness flame inside you that glowed brightly when you were born. When situations such as complaints about your B instead of praise begin, your worthiness flame weakens. After a lifetime of these types of installed messages, that flame shrinks to a pilot light – small and dim. Not to worry though. Like a pilot light, it never goes completely out.
It was not until I was well into my corporate career that I realized my worthiness flame had dimmed and I was circling what I call “the unworthiness cycle” over and over hoping that each time I would get different results. We all know that is the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results. It took some soul-searching and question-asking for me to realize that I could reignite my worthiness light.
Here’s what I did:
- I became conscious of my thoughts. I realized I was letting my Inner Bully tear me down and keep that light dim. Your Inner Bully tries to convince you she’s protecting you, but she’s actually holding you back and trying to blow out your worthiness light. I thanked her for stopping by and gave her a new role, “Observer.”
- I decided to listen to my Inner Wise Woman, who is always feeding my worthiness light with fuel to propel me forward. Her words empower me, lift me up, and give me wings. She helps me step outside the unworthiness cycle and into the worthiness cycle. Believe me, the worthiness cycle is a much more fun place to travel.
- I created a Worthiness Workout to keep me in the worthiness cycle. This was critical because the outside world was maintaining my unworthiness with a bombardment of messages telling me “I was not enough”. To combat those messages I needed to create a worthiness workout. Mine includes daily meditation and journaling, walking or running in nature, practicing gratitude throughout my day, and reminding myself in the mirror that I love myself. My worthiness workout is for my mind what going to the gym is for my body. I also do regular self-care, read uplifting books, watch motivating videos, do random acts of kindness, and more. It made sense to me that if I maintained my body with exercise that it was just as important to maintain my worthiness with a workout to exercise my mind.
If you find yourself spending too much time in the unworthiness cycle and want to experience what life is like in the worthiness cycle, these steps will help get you there.
You are WORTHY! Let your worthiness flame glow brightly as it did when you were born. It is your birthright!
I talk about these tools and many more in my upcoming book, You Are WORTHY! (How the World tries to Tell You Differently) A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist. Available soon!